Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize