Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
