My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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