she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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