And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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