Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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