I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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