My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
