this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
