Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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