Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
