I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
