There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
