after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
