Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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