I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize