You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
