Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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