How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
