he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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