Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
