M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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