ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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