hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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