I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
