I can't watch pbs sober anymore
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
