I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
