So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
