he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
