did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
