I just pynch a tree in the face
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
