Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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