i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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