actually, I'm a sock model
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she peed on how many people?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
