I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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