Im at strip club and am horny
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
