so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
