made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
