can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
