he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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