My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How external is "for external use only"?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
