or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
