I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
