listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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