I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
