you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
