I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
