I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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