I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
