it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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