maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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