Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
