WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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