so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
