it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
