I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
