Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
