i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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