he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
