you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
