Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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