it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
