It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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