yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize