Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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