Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
