I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
