my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
