Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
