This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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