New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
