I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
