I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
