She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
