No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
