I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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