she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
