my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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