When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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