I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
True strength comes from lack of pants
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
