Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
