He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
