party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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